MISSING INGREDIENTS

A NOVEL

 

 

 

$13.95 / Perfectbound
ISBN: 9781608442072
272 pages

EXCERPTS FROM THE BOOK

     We make our own monsters. The formula if frighteningly simple: Take child abuse or neglect, especially at the hands of those constituted by the laws of man and nature to protect their own, and let the government either ignore or exacerbate the situation. Time will do the rest.

     -Andrew Vachss. Originally published in Parade Magazine, June 3, 1990.



                               The Spider


     The tree was old, and it's branches reached almost to the ground. It was a live oak, and it had grown, as they tend to do in the South, with limbs sprawling in every direction rather than straight up to the sky. It was bent and twisted, with bulging arthritic joints, a huge trunk, and deeply textured bark. And in its shade, this July morning was almost cool.

     The children stood in front of the spider's web. It was big, stretching from limb to limb and reaching almost to the grass. The girl went first, placing her grasshopper into the web. The grasshopper immediately began struggling, fighting the sticky mass and only getting more tangled. The large spider moved quickly, as efficient as any predator should be in its own lair. It worked to cocoon the grasshopper, and the web shook from the struggle. When it was over, Leal spoke, "Now put yours in their."

     "Where?"

     "Anywhere, stupid. Are you scared."

     "No."

     He was, of course, but he placed his grasshopper in the web about two feet from the first one.

     "Did you see? It bites them and poisons them, just like I said."

     "How do we get it in the jar?"

     "You hold the jar, and I'll put it in with this stick."

     "What if it bites me?"

     "Just put the jar on the ground, Scott. And don't be a scaredy-cat. Hold the lid. Be ready!"

     Leal picked up the stick she had found just for this purpose-not too long too handle, and not so big around as to be inefficient. She poked it at the spider, and it began moving up the web quickly. Then Leal moved the stick up above the spider and began dismantling the web. With a move she had practiced, she moved the stick in a circular motion, closing in on the spider and wrapping it in the strands of its own web. When she pulled the stick back, the spider loosed itself quickly and began descending to the ground on a silken strand. Leal grabbed the jar and put it on the grass beneath the spider. As quickly as the spider moved to go around the jar, Leal moved it under the spider again. Finally, she used the stick to push it into the jar and yelled for the lid. Done.

     "Now,  you have to put it in his room."

     "How do I get it in there? What if it bites me, Leal?"

     "You just open the lid and roll the jar under the bed. It's easy. Come on, while Mama's in the kitchen."

     They entered the small house through the front door. Their father was asleep in the tiny front bedroom, lying on top of the bedspread in his boxer shorts, with the windows open and the only fan in the house blowing on him. The door was open, and Scott crawled into the bedroom with the supposedly deadly cargo. As he edged closer, his father's loud breathing stopped and was followed by a deep, gasping inhalation before his regular staccato snoring resumed. Scott froze. Then, overcoming his fear, he unscrewed the lid and rolled the jar under the bed. He lay still again as the jar rolled across the uneven boards of the old hardwood floor, making a dull thumping sound before coming to a stop. Feeling proud now more than scared, he crawled quietly out and joined Leal in the hall.

     "Did he wake up?" she asked.

     "Naw, you know he wont. How long do you think it will take for the spider to crawl up there?"

     "I don't know. I hope soon. Lets get out of here." 

                               CHAPTER 1

 

     Hot! Hot, hot hot. And wet. Two decades in Seattle had ruined him for the heat. Humidity he could handle, but not when the temperature was ninety-eight degrees. He had forgotten just how miserable Houston was in August. And he did not want to be here.

     Shading his eyes, he could see a plane turning to make its final approach to Hobby airport, a flash of silver against the warm cerulean sky. With luck, the remaining family members would be flying in there and spare him the longer drive across Houston to Bush Intercontinental. It would depend on who decided to come. One trip would be okay, but if they drifted in one at a time, then it would be a pain. Of coure, everything in his immediate future was going to be one giant pain in the ass.

     When he spotted the black Mercedes pulling into the hospital parking lot, he knew it would be Leal. The car was just as she had described it to him. His sister, at fifty-four, was two years older than him. She had married well...three times. Each time had been for love, but love never lasted for her any more that it did for him. As Leal parked the car and began walking toward him, he realized that his sister was still a beautiful woman. Time, tragedy, and the weight of memory had not changed that. Her crisp, white linen shirt and light blue pants were right for the heat, and her toeless sandals revealed a coral pedicure that perfectly matched her fingernails and the color of her lips. She walked with her shoulders back and her head high, with a confidence that he knew was not real. Perhaps it wasn't confidence so much as defiance. Leal wore large, dark glasses, and he knew it was because of the bright sunshine. Her eyes would not be red and puffy anymore than his were.

     As she drew near, she tried a slight smile. It failed.

     Scott reached out and hugged his sister.

     "Is anyone else here yet?" she asked.

     "No, we're the first"

     "How does he look?"

     "Like he isn't suffering enough."

     "I don't think there's a disease bad enough, Scott."

     "No, there isn't."    

                                     CHAPTER 16

                        SAY HEY WILLIE


     The boys were excited. They had never been to the Astrodome and had never seen a major-league game. Today that was changing. The four of the were making the drive to Houston--Scott, Greg, their father, and the newest addition to their family: Mr. Slick. And this Sunday-afternoon game would not be just any game. It was the San Francisco Giants with Juan Marichal pitching and Willie McCovey on first. Most importantly, Scott's hero would be in centerfield...the great Willie Mays.

     Of course, the home team would still have a chance. With Larry Dierker on the mound, there was always a chance. Plus, there were Rusty Staub and Jim Wynn in the outfield. The boys would definitely be rooting for the Astros, but what a thrill it would be to see Willie Mays play!

     Scott had recently begun to come out of his self-imposed exile, had begun tearing down that wall he had put up between himself and the rest of the world. Until the past year, he had gone to school and done what he had to do to thrive there. His grades were always exceptional, and even his scores for conduct were excellent, which was unusual for a boy with his background. But during the past year, he had actually started to experience the world outside his home. The key was baseball. He had joined Little League and taken to it instantly. There was something about the order, about having defined rules and sticking to them, that appealed to him. The physical part was also important. Unlike most of the boys, he didn't mind running laps at practice. It felt good, and he ran them faster than anyone, wanted to run more when they were done. He would run all the way home when practice was over.

     At first he had been put off by the yelling that the coaches did. It had made him nervous and uncomfortable. But he had stuck with it, and eventually, he had realized that there was not threat behind the yelling. They were just there to teach the boys the game,and they yelled to be heard above the din of all those boisterous boys, to keep order and focus. It was exciting to realize that they liked him and saw potential in him. He had never known that he had athletic ability, and had not even thought about it. But now, as his body was going through the process of becoming a man, as his muscles grew and hardened, he had found something for those muscles to do. They could swing a bat.

     And that was the real joy in baseball for him. Just to swing the bat, to hear the crack of wood on horsehide, and to watch that ball go sailing. It was unlike anything else in his life. It was primal and controlled at the same time. It was the perfect distillation of a few seconds in time; the pitch is thrown, the bat is swung, and then, just at the exact moment the bat connects with the ball, it is as if everything is in slow motion. It didn't work like that when he swung and missed. No, that was over so quickly that he barely knew it had happened. But when he connected...thwack! Time stopped. He could see it coming, see that it was going to be good. Thwack! He saw the bat make contact, saw the ball stop and then turn the other way, and then the clock started again and the ball was gone, flying through the air. He could hit the ball farther than anyone his age. And the coaches loved him for it.

     His father also liked the fact that he played baseball. He had even made it to one game, although that had not gone well, and Scott hoped he would not make another. There seemed to be a minimal chance of that, since he had only bothered coming to the one all season. Still, Scott never told him when game day was. The coaches had not enjoyed being told what they were doing wrong by Mr. Coulter. Welton was a small town, and everyone knew him by reputation, if not personally. He was intimidating, quick to challenge and quick to fight. And because he was always convinced that he was right, no matter how little he knew about a subject, there was going to be trouble if he kept showing up. Luckily, there was no alcohol allowed, and that would ensure a minimal presence at Scott's games.

     Still, he liked that Scott played. It fit with his image of what a macho boy with a healthy family life, which he was sure they had, should be doing. So this was in some way a reward. They were off to the game. Houston was a good hour's drive from Welton. They were abut halfway there, and their father had kept up a lively chatter so far. He was talking about baseball as if he knew it well. Then he pulled out the bottle.

     He took a long pull off the bottle, a fifth of Old Crow he had stashed under the seat. 'Here you go, Slick. Wet your whistle."

     "My gracious thanks, Duane. I could use a drink." Slick's hands shook as he took the bottle, drank once, then twice. "How about you boys? A little drink for you?" he offered.

     They thought they had better try, and took the bottle. Scott put the bottle to his mouth and looked in the rear view mirror to see if his father might be watching them. He wasn't. He faked a drink and passed it over to Greg, who actually took a drink.

     "That Scott is going to be one hell of a ballplayer, Slick.You should see him knock the shit out of that baseball. if I can ever teach him to hit another boy with that much enthusiasm, I'll have something there."

     "They are fine boys, indeed, Duane. You have a beautiful family. And you've done a good job with them. You should be very proud of that," Slick offered obiesantly.

     Mr. Slick, as the kids were told to call him, had been brought home after a three day drunk. So far, he had been with them for over a month. He wasn't the first "salt of the earth" loser to live with them, and would not be the last. Mr. Slick was older than their father, around sixty. He could have passed for eighty. A small man, short and thin, he had a cadaverous look, as if he might have just dropped dead and no one had noticed yet. Their mother had managed to trim his gray hair yesterday, and she had cropped it close. Now it matched his pencil thin gray mustache. All in all, he was the perfect foil for Duane Coulter.

     "Yes sir, a man's family is a reflection on him. And you have a fine one. An exceptional one. Indeed."

     A smile spread across his father's lips, hearing someone verify what he knew to be true. he took another drink and passed the bottle, then lit a cigarette. "Here you go, Slick. Have a smoke."

     "Your generosity is much appreciated, Duane. There is a special place in heaven for the generous soul."
     "Scott back there wants to see Willie Mays play. I have to admit there has never been a finer baseball player than the Say Hey Kid. He has all the skills. Scott's hero. Isn't that right, Scott?"

     "Yes, sir. He's the best ever. He hits for power and for average, lots of doubles, too. He's a great base runner; he knows how to score from first on a single when no one else could. And he's a great outfielder. He's just the best." Scott's enthusiasm was growing now. The thought of seeing his idol, and of seeing this incredible feat of engineering know as the Astrodome, was mind-boggling to him. They had never had a day like this. The closest thing before had been a trip to the county fair.

     "How about you, Spike? You want to see Willie Mays play?"

     Greg answered quickly, but without much enthusiasm. "Yes, sir." He was looking a little green.

     "Your boys have exquisite manners, Duane. Perhaps they would like another drink." This was just an attempt to get the bottle out of their father's hands and making the rounds again. Scott faked another drink and noticed Mr. Slick looking at him. He passed the bottle to Greg and watched as the man's eyes followed the bottle. He realized that Mr. Slick hadn't been looking at him after all. Greg took another drink, and the front seat passenger reached quickly for the bottle.

     "Here's to America's pastime," Slick offered as he turned the bottle up.

     "I want another drink," Greg chimed in unexpectedly.

     "Well certainly, Spike my boy." Their father was feeling a little surge of pride.

      Slick was growing more attached to the bottle, but knew he had to hand it to the back seat again.

     Greg took is biggest drink yet, and then began to cough.

     Their father laughed. "That's okay, boy. First thing you know, it will go down smooth as honey."

     Now they were pulling into the parking lot of what was then billed as the "eighth wonder of the world." The parking attendant asked for three dollars.

     "Three dollars! Why don't you just stick a gun to my head. I'm not paying you three dollars."

     "Everyone pays three dollars to park, sir."

     Their father was his usual bullying self, and the parking lot attendant was obviously intimidated.

     "Everyone pays three dollars to park, huh? Did you pay three dollars to park here today, huh?"

     "No, sir. I don't have to pay to park. I work here."

     "So you think just because you work here, you're better than me. Is that it? Because I don't think you are any better than me. Do you think you're better than my friend here? Do you think you're better than my boys in the backseat? Because I really don't like it when people think they're better than me."

     "No sir, I don't think I'm better'n you. I just need three dollars for you to park here."

     "Well, I ain't payin' three dollars. I tell you what. I'll give you a quarter and not whip your ass. How's that?"

     Before the attendant could answer, they were interrupted by the sound of gagging coming from the backs seat.

     "Get your head out that window, boy! Now!"

                                   ...story continued on page 70 of Missing Ingredients  

CHAPTER 11

MEMORIES

 

     They were on a blanket in the front yard of one of the rental houses. He wasn't drinking, probably because they were new in this town and he didn't yet have friends to extend him credit. Scott, the baby, was already asleep. Her daddy was showing her the Bid Dipper, then the Little Dipper, which she just couldn't make out. So he said he would throw her to the stars so she could see it. Up she went--three times. Then back on the blanket to stare up again. It had worked. She could see the Little Dipper now.

      CHAPTER 5

     THE HUNT

 

     "Boys, put on long pants and long-sleeved shirts. We're going squirrel hunting. Rose, pack us some fried egg sandwiches."

     The boys did as they were told, though none of them were eager. They were uncomfortable around their father under any circumstances, and today they had already seen the pint bottle in his pocket. But no one would dare protest.

     They dressed in their flannel shirts and the best shoes their mother could find while she lectured them about snakes and guns. Then they piled into the old car. It was less than an hour's drive to the woods, and the day was sunny and crisp. Their father set up a cardboard target on an old tree stump and produced three rifles from the trunk. even Greg had a small BB gun. They wondered where the guns had come from, but the didn't ask. They practiced for thirty minutes while he taught them about guns and hunting. All the while, he sipped straight from the bottle of Old Crow.

     "When we spot a squirrel, Rocky and Scott will go to the other side of the tree. Spike, you stay with me." Greg smiled at being chosen to stay with his father.

     They had hiked about five hundred feet into the forest. It was late afternoon, and shafts of light the half-darkness of the thick woods. The five year old excitedly spotted the first squirrel. Their father pointed farther into the woods for Scott and Daryl to go the other side of the tree. When the boys were in place, the squirrel naturally moved to the opposite side of the tree from the boys, where their father waited. He raised his rifle and shot without hesitation. The squirrel fell. The other boys began to run toward it, but their father held up his hand to stop them and then pointed at another tree close by. The shot had frightened another squirrel into movement. He pointed his finger at Daryl, and then at the squirrel.

              story continued on page 25 of Missing Ingredients

CHAPTER 9

 HER DREAM


 

     She dreamed as well. The ex-wife, the mother, sitting in the chair in the hospital room and listening to Ellen, the current wife. It wasn't that she was disinterested, just that the years were on her heavily now. And the emotions. Her subconscious was trying to dredge the foul muck, the thick and sickening and vulgar sludge of fie thousand misspent days and sleepless nights. It was hard not to have regrets now, so near the end of life. And it was impossible to change the past. So she fought the temptation to dwell on it. But now she slept, and the subconscious ruled. She dreamed.



     She was walking through the streets of Seminole, Texas. He had brought them here a month ago, with Marta just four months old. There was the promise of work in the oil fields, and the work was there when he wanted it. But he had not been home for two days, and she knew he was not working. Now she was walking toward the small downtown, walking down Oak Street, which must have been named by a hopeless optimist or a deluded fool. There were no oaks or other trees to block the relentless wind, which carried the ever-present dust. Maybe it was the season, she thought, but it had been that way the entire month.

     Marta cried and squirmed beneath her blankets. She would like to uncover the baby, at least her face. The baby had been running a fever since yesterday afternoon. It was worse now, and her breathing was labored. Rose knew that the baby was hot, wrapped in the blankets. But she was also afraid to expose her to the wind, and especially to the dust.

     She had to find him, or at least find help. Her purse contained one dollar and sixty-two cents, including the twenty-two cents she had just from beneath the cushions of the furniture in the rented row house. It was not enough, but she had never asked for anything for free, or accepted charity for any reason. It was better to offer something for the help she needed now than to offer nothing. But she knew she would beg for help today if she had to. She had never been in this position before, with another life depending on her so completely. And it may well be Marta's life on the line, and with the knowledge came a kind of fear she had never before felt. She would find help...she had to.

     As she turned onto Main Street, the wind hit her squarely in the face. Her eyes stung, and she felt the grit on her teeth. The baby squirmed more, cried a little, and tried to cough. A half block more brought her to Rusty's, the first stop in her effort to locate him. Rusty's was a pool hall and domino parlor. Because he could not legally sell alcohol, Rusty charged his patrons, mostly oil-field workers, a nominal monthly fee to store their beer and liquors, and a healthy fee for their set-ups. The monthly charge also masqueraded as membership for the "club," which guaranteed access to the domino and pool tables. Rusty was quick to grant credit to his customers, and was quoted as saying that he never lost money on it. "People may let their rent and 'lectrics go," he would say, " but they don't never compromise their drinkin'."

     As she stepped up to the dirty window, Rose pressed her face against the glass and shaded her eyes with one hand.

                ...story continued on page 38 of Missing Ingredients.